A Letter to My Imaginary Friend


Winter Grounds


Rose Ornament

Painting by Lucie LeBel

Rose Ornament


You appear in my thoughts so often of late and I cannot help but think how unique you’ve become, how exceptional it has all been in getting to know you. You are simply that rare kind of person one seldom meets in a lifetime, that some never meet; the respect, the fondness and warmth that I feel seem to have become an affection of mystical proportions, with a depth that reaches to the very core and breath of my Soul. For the first time in my life I no longer need to talk of what is possible, of what could be, for with you every thought that enters my mind as I pen these words is a song of praise, a celebration and a thanksgiving for what simply is, for what we already do share so joyfully between us.

The moments we have spoken have been moments that I’ve very easily learned to look forward to with sparkling anticipation, not only for my own self, but for the sake of both our selves and, in turn, for those around us, for those younger than us as well as those older, for all these generations we now see before us, and all those that have and shall come after. I have looked upon them as a few hours where our greatest thoughts, dreams and disappointments could be shared without fear or risk, where all that I would be welcoming in return would be nothing less than an echo of everything that I had been trying to co-respond on with another for so long. Our talks have been so full of empathy and understanding, they’ve been such thought-provoking and spirited, if not actually helpful, even healing, conversations. I’ve gotten to know you and all your deepest cares and concerns so very quickly, and it has all been so very overwhelming for me — I feel as though we have known each other since the moment we were both borne unto this world, if not, indeed, for all eternity.

Were we lovers in a past life? I’ve wondered, for I cannot help but feel so naturally and gently at ease in your kind acquaintance. With you I would aspire to the highest ideals of Philosophical, Spiritual and Romantic Love; I feel an affinity, a bond, a compassion that I’ve never felt with anyone else before. While we may not have had the time to share so much of ourselves as we have had with others in our lives, I still feel so much more intimate with you just speaking even as we do in our offing than I ever felt naked and crying, for joy or for sorrow, with any other who could now be seen as only a mere infatuate of my past.

I think there is such a wonderful balance between us, in how we have both been able to give to, and receive from, each other: you are my Child and my Parent, my Student and my Teacher, a wounded Soul for me to nurture and comfort, and a solemn Guide to heal me and show the way. Before any of these I surely think of you first and foremost as simply my Friend, but still I discovered so belatedly as well how beautiful a Woman you are, and, forgive me, for in this sense, for in all these senses, for simply the way we have been together through this time, of course I would be so genuinely attracted to you in what could only be such a reverently passionate way. I’m just so supremely at ease with you, completely snug in the comfort of your pillow, and it would all seem so simply natural to take our relationship to endlessly deeper, endlessly higher, levels and plateaus as I can only surmise that we have as yet merely begun to see.

Wherever it is that this life might bring us, though, I think that I would prefer to take whatever happens between us slowly, to bathe in the delight that each and every moment is with you. With others it seemed always a struggle to maintain my affections — it was as though it were all a test to discover how forgiving my affections could be! — but with you the true difficulty has been in trying not to fall head over heels into such an extraordinary state of what could only, truly be given no other appellation than that of Divine Love. I’m so much more than just beginning to simply adore the person that you are and every blessèd moment that we share, for in this very brief eternity that we have known each other I can only say that you have become my closest and most trusted confidante, my most comforting ally in this world, truly the Dearest Friend that I might ever have dreamt I could be so gifted to have had, and still have, in this life.

You’ve triggered so many thoughts and aspirations which now arise within me that I never really pondered upon before, and in the process I have gone through every possible scenario with you over and over in what has now become such ceaseless contemplation. I’ve wondered what it could be to live with you, to perhaps even spend a lifetime with you, and for the first time in my life I’ve wondered what it would be to not only make Love, to not only create and endlessly re-create such beautiful Love, but to procreate within this Love as well. I still cannot help but feel how easy it could have been, how natural it would have felt, to have made love in so beautiful a way with you right then and there that last time we met with one another, as comfortably as though we had been making such easy passion between us all along for all of our years. It would have been so very sweet, if not so very inspiring, and if destiny had designed it to be a moment for the conception of our own immaculate Creation, I just cannot imagine that I would have ever had any regrets.

— And, I can hasten only to say as well, that it surely did not help in those last brief moments in which I saw you, that first real moment that I ever saw you after our having spoken so often only in such a distant — yet so very near — way, to finally have a moment in person with you that day that I went, now so forlornly, so very, very far away...


Rose Ornament








Rose Ornament

Et Cetera


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